Grace Bestowed
Pictures of images flash before my eyes.
I see what I want to forget; a memory not
even seen but envisioned by creativity and based on fear.
The thought of something taking hold on your soul,
mind, and spirit to the point of no control. As if your life
depended on the act. Yet, this act brings to you nothing
but empty promises beckoning you to forget the them and
the hopes your world revolved around asif the heart of
them no longer existed; your world now your own regardless
of the honest, open hearted devotion shed upon you.
In the depths of your actions the still, small voice calls to you.
Listen, please. Hear me now.
Turn away and return to your first love. Let not your heart and soul
be ripped and torn from the innocence of faith and trust. Leave this
place of degradation and return to the one who places her hand upon yours
in faith and gave herself to you.
Again the images of the unknown filter through my mind.
The construct of fear, distrust, abandonment begin to creep
in its place. Rather than a serene peace, an anxiety bubbles
up within me as I see these pictures of folly, of destruction
of my hope. I wonder to silence the fears and create a quiet place inside
only to again feel the rise of worry etched in the face of discouragement.
It is here, in this place of unknowns that linger insolation and tears.
While destruction takes hold of you; your captured soul hears
the small cry becoming louder, all too soon the realization of
the magnitude of evil falls upon you like a demon upon a
helpless victim, so surrendered to the bottomless pit of
self-destruction and deceit. In despair the need to hide your
folly rises and gives way before your heart made note
of the power of honesty. And so behind it begins eating your soul.
Your being begins to silence itself in the expectation that all is fine.
You believe your lies and tell yourself you are safe.
I sit, stand, pace with etched pain upon my soul witnessed
by fervent prayer and heartache. The truth is there before
me and yet, I tell myself lies to cover the pain. And then eager
to accept your lies I fall victim to my own sin, the one of compliance.
It is here, that something unsettling happens. The nagging voice
tells me the truth and I sob. Deep, guttural pain pouring forth
Exposing my deepest fears and the realization that I accepted
the act of deception when I knew better.
In this moment I hear the words grace.
I recall my great need of a Savior and I pray.
No longer a selfish prayer but one of love
laced with mercy. It is now I seek to
restore truth and rebuild my fragile trust so
shattered by sin which stole your heart from me.
In this moment your path is awakened and there is
nowhere to turn and nowhere to hide. Evil is revealed
and the pain is unbearable.
In amazement your eyes see grace demonstrated yet again.
Your eyes tear in disbelief. Am I so loved this way?
And so beginning your growth in faith as love and grace
are given in place of evil. Your pain is swallowed up in the gift
so freely, and undeservingly given to you. Then, you see
your separated evil from the heart of love.
I therefore struggle to stop the pictures that remain vivid
before my eyes. I seek laughter and beauty to trade places
with grief and disillusion. As it comes back to haunt me, to
cherish my wounds, I turn to the Word and remember
"great peace have they which love thy law and nothing
shall offend them" and it is here I remember the
Cross and those Arms opened wide for me.
It is now I become as my Savior and open my arms wide.
I allow the grace so bestowed upon me that day to
flow through me onto the one who pained not only me,
but their soul and the Soul of the King.
It is in this action I partake of the Divine.
I demonstrate love, grace, mercy, repentance, and honor.
It is now that you see the gift of the Cross so given to you
as am Angel of light; so walks beside you. This source of hope
sees you as you are, loves you without doubt, and shines to
you the gift the Creator so wishes you to have.
Freedom from self-destruction and evil
We rise up from prayer united and stronger. Let this growth
be the push for healing now and for always. Let this lesson
be held in your soul for all time Listen. Heed. Be mindful.
And choose life more abundantly. Your next chance is here.
Squander it not nor disregard the gift. It waits.
---Pamela